


Away From the Dark

by Michael_Ackart



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Custom Commander Shepard, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, Humans, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Out of Character, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, mShenko is really slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-03-15 06:34:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3437075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michael_Ackart/pseuds/Michael_Ackart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If someone asked Shepard to tell the story, he'd never be able to explain how his life ended up like this. Trapped in an abusive relationship with Saren Arterius (but really, feeling like he deserves no better), he's practically given up on everything. Kaidan Alenko goes from annoyingly nice neighbor to being the one to show him that no matter how broken, it's still possible to put the pieces back together</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the long author’s note, I promise to be relatively quiet after this!
> 
> This is a total rework of my most popular story on Fanfiction. It was originally written for the Inuyasha fandom and started in 2008. Since it was a long time ago and I was still a teenager at the time, there’s a lot that can stand to be edited. Honestly, I never finished it but I plan to do so here. Mass Effect has inspired me to write again after years of being stagnate and I feel like this story needs to be finished, one way or another. The original version is almost at 100,000 words so this is going to be a pretty big project. So please, _**heed the tags,**_ there is a lot of domestic abuse. I'm going to try to tone down some of the OOCness but note that it's still tagged as well. Also, these first few chapters are relatively short, the rest will be longer

“Fuck, you can’t do anything right!”

A loud thud resonated as a brown-haired man was thrown against the wall. He cringed at the booming voice, the second person was only a few mere inches from his face.

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” Shepard, Cal to some, apologized quietly.

“For your sake, that better be true,” the older man spat. “Now get out of my sight.”

“Yes, Saren.”

Shepard quickly went to the bedroom he and his husband shared. The fight was about something as ridiculous as dinner but Cal knew better than to further provoke him. The younger man had been ordered to come home from work early. It usually wasn’t a problem since he worked for Binary Helix—a company Saren and his acquaintance both owned large portions of. The woman, Benezia, was his boss. When he first started, Shepard thought he’d be doing some sort of scientific research. But Saren made it clear he wasn’t smart enough for that and instead had Benezia give him menial tasks and errands throughout the day. He hated his job, hated the way his boss and coworkers treated him and looked down on him. But he didn’t have a choice.

He dragged himself to the closet to change out of his work attire but stopped in the mirror when he was bare from the waist up. There were no new bruises this time around, he supposed he should be grateful for that.

The brunette snorted lightly. _Grateful._ That wasn’t the first word he thought. He was locked in an eight year relationship with an abusive asshole, even if he refused to admit it. Most of his days were divided between the job he despised and trying to keep Saren pleased. Things hadn’t always been that way, their relationship started out pretty well. The older man had been so unlike the other boyfriends of Shepard’s past and it was why Cal fell for him so quickly. But that gradually changed until Saren was the cruel being that had banished him to the bedroom.

Sometimes, when Shepard was feeling particularly down, he’d contemplate infuriating his husband so much that Saren would lose control and just end his life. But he was usually able to shake those thoughts, it wasn’t like he’d ever have the guts to do it. He just had to try harder to make the older man happy. Saren was a good person deep down, he’d witnessed it himself.

As that thought drifted through his mind, his hands drifted to his chest, to the scars marring his skin. The visible proof of his suffering. Not all of them were Saren’s doing though. Some came from his delinquent past and from his brief stint in the army when he was barely an adult. His heart began to beat quicker and he pushed those thoughts from his mind. He buried his face in his hands as he tried to drown his memories of the army, of the bad things he’d done as a young teenager. Shepard was not a good person. This was what he deserved.

His teeth bit into his index finger harshly, mouth and hands wishing he had a cigarette to focus on instead of his thoughts. But Saren didn’t like it and had forced him to quit—another memory to hide away from. Instead of hiding behind a haze of smoke, he threw himself onto the bed and buried his head beneath a pillow.

He didn’t know how long he remained curled up like that but eventually Saren’s voice pierced through his eardrums. Shepard pushed the pillow against his head harder and hoped the older man would leave him alone. But luck was one of many things Cal didn’t possess and his husband howled at him again.

“If you don’t come down right now, I’m going to lock you in the backyard all night!” Saren threatened.

Shepard groaned quietly to himself but sat up. The threat was real and he had learned the hard way that the dark-haired man would go through with it. His feet dragged as he made it out of the bedroom and down the stairs. He could see Saren sitting on the couch, feigning calmness. The brunette stopped at the bottom of the steps, knowing the other man was still very angry.

“I’m disappointed in your behavior lately,” Saren murmured. “You’ve been acting out a lot. Am I not paying enough attention to you, babe?”

He blinked. Cal hadn’t been acting out at all. What was he talking about? When the young man didn’t answer, Saren’s gray eyes narrowed in anger.

“You’re so fucking ungrateful!” he shouted and stood from the couch. “I’ve given you a home, a good job, everything you could ever want! And now that I’m busy at work, you decide to repay everything I’ve done for you by stressing me out? I asked you for one thing today and you managed to fuck that up.”

“It wasn’t my fault!” the brunette argued. “They wouldn’t let me off work early!” His mouth immediately clamped shut.

“Are you…arguing with me?”

Shepard stuttered out an unintelligible response before turning on his heel. His instinct was to run because he knew the mistake he’d made but Saren was quick and grabbed him from behind. “Let me go!” he yelled.

“You’re such a bad boy,” the older man said harshly into his ear. “No wonder your drunk of a mom doesn’t talk to you anymore.”

Cal’s eyes widened at the mention of his adoptive parent. Saren knew damn well how deep a nerve that situation struck. Anger coursed through him and when fingers dug painfully into his body, he reacted without thinking. Shepard’s elbow flew up and back, connecting solidly with the other’s face. As soon as Saren staggered back, Cal took off up the stairs. He could’ve run out the door instead but he knew he was in trouble and leaving would only make it worse. The rage fizzled out and was now replaced by fear as he locked himself in their bedroom.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” he whispered to himself as he worriedly paced the room.

He should have known better, had firmer control of himself. Saren knew exactly what it took to push his buttons but rarely did Shepard react with such aggression. His fingers tapped against his thighs as he waited but his husband was taking his time. To scare him more, he knew. He hadn’t hit him hard enough to knock him out. He leaned against the door and closed his eyes. Then he heard footsteps creeping up the stairs, as if they were trying to slowly torture him with anticipation. His heart was hammering and he moved away from the door in case Saren decided to kick it open. But the button lock was simple to force from the outside and Saren had no trouble getting in. He walked inside the room, a twisted grin on his face.

Cal was never able to look Saren directly in the eye but he focused on that fucked up smile. He had expected anger but the brunette was familiar with this mood too. And now, he could either risk defending himself and just _maybe_ Saren would back off or he could submit to whatever the punishment was for hitting him. Shepard’s feet dug into the carpet and he waited for the older man to make the next move.


	2. Chapter 2

Saren took a large step forward but Shepard jumped back.

“No,” the brunette said, both men hearing how his voice quivered. “I did nothing wrong.”

He laughed quietly then suddenly cackled. It pierced Cal’s ears like a knife. He flinched and silently cursed himself. No matter how many bursts of anger he had, no matter how badly he wanted to defend himself, Shepard was still terrified. He hated himself for that fear—that weakness—every day. 

Saren continued stalking towards him and he realized he was quickly running out of space to back into. It wasn’t long before he was pressed against the wall and then the older man’s hands were moving to pin his wrists up too. Shepard turned his head to the side when the other’s face leaned close but it was only to press a kiss to his exposed neck.

“You are a very bad boy, Cal,” he whispered.

He pulled back and Shepard watched him wink. A hand balled into a fist and slammed into the space beside his head. Shepard’s stomach filled with dread. Despite the bruise forming on his cheek, Saren wasn’t intimidated at all. He was toying with him and that scared the brunette more than any slap could. A slap was predictable, familiar. This game could mean anything. Saren was teasing him and he knew it was because he wanted his fear to build up for a day or two, wondering if Saren was going to punish him.

The man pushed off him and walked away without another glance. Once he was gone, Shepard let out the breath he didn’t realize he held. He listened for a minute and heard the front door open. Saren left but that didn’t mean he could.

He wandered out of the room and down the hall of their house that was way too big for just the two of them. His hands fumbled with the door knob of a guest room before he went in and locked it. Shepard tumbled onto the bed, staring at the stark white blinds covering the window.

“Why do I love him?” he whispered brokenly. It was true, he did still love Saren. The man wasn’t always a monster and sometimes it was Shepard’s fault. He’d fucked up enough times in his twenty-nine years to know what he deserved. He rolled onto his back and thought of when they first met, when they got married. He had so many good memories from back then, more than any other point in his life. Cal fell asleep that night wondering if they could have that again in the future.

Shepard woke in the morning with sunlight just barely filtering through the blinds. He yawned before grabbing his phone off the nightstand. It was early and he hoped Saren was still asleep. He got up, noting that the door was still locked, and stepped softly into the hall. In their bedroom, he saw a black-haired head on a pillow and felt relieved. He shuffled through his closet as quickly and quietly as possible before returning to the guest room. He showered across the hall, put on his work clothes, then heard Saren getting up as he went downstairs.

The brunette left quickly after that. Since he still had plenty of time, he parked in front of a café to get breakfast. He ate slowly and sipped on bitter coffee that was a few degrees too hot. With twenty minutes left until he needed to clock in, he returned to the car. Shepard didn’t drive off immediately, instead he leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes.

“Fuck,” he breathed. “I’m not in the mood for this.”

10101010101

“Shepard! Are you finished up yet?”

“Just got done, Benezia,” the young man answered. He handed the stack of folders to his boss. He kind of hated her and it didn’t help that she was a friend of Saren’s.

“Go home then.”

“You’re giving me the afternoon off?”

“Yes,” she sighed in clear annoyance. “Or do you want overtime?”

Actually, considering what he was probably returning home to that night, overtime didn’t sound too bad. The question was meant to be rhetorical though. “Okay. Thanks.”

As he walked to his car, he debated staying out until the normal time he got off work. That added up to a few hours. But he had the nagging feeling that this free time was more than mere coincidence. He stared at the steering wheel for a minute before deciding to head to the grocery store. Maybe he could placate Saren by doing what he was supposed to the previous night.

A couple hours later, he was standing over the stove at home. The table was set for two—though there was a possibility Saren wouldn’t even let him eat with him. He took a break, needing to wait a few more minutes for the oven to go off. Shepard played on his phone to distract himself then checked his Facebook that Saren controlled the password to. The loud shrill of the timer had him up again seven minutes later. While he was up, his ears picked up the sound of the front door opening.

He readied himself for whatever the consequences were. This was a game he and Saren played many times before.

Cal’s gaze darted over to the kitchen entrance to see the older man leaning against the doorway with arms crossed. He didn’t look mad, he seemed amused. That worried Shepard more than anger. When Saren said nothing, the brunette just continued what he was doing with dark eyes trained on him. But it wasn’t long before arms were slithering around his waist and a body was pressing against his back.

“You’ve been acting strange lately,” Saren whispered disappointingly into his ear. “After everything I do for you, you think this is fair to me?”

Cal decided to go along with his husband’s game. “No. I know, I’m sorry.” But Saren noticed the pause in his voice and the arms around him tightened in warning.

“Will you be good from now on?”

“Yes.”

“I might believe you if this were the first time this happened. You’ve lied to me before, that’s why I can’t just let it go. You obviously won’t learn otherwise.” A hand placed itself over Shepard’s rapidly beating heart. “I wish it didn’t need to be this way, Cal.”

His stomach churned at those words.

“But first...you did try to make it up to me. A little too late but I won’t let your efforts go to waste.” He kissed the brunette’s cheek and Cal felt like his skin sizzled. “Go wait for me on the couch.”

It was as he expected. Cal wanted to eat but maybe it was better if they didn’t sit together. Shepard obediently went to the living room where he sat down on the couch. He remained still for most of the long wait, head tilting up only when the other man entered the room.

Saren approached him slowly. His hand gently caressed Shepard’s cheek a few moments before suddenly fisting into his hair. “I hate having to do this,” he said. “Why do you make me do this?”

“I-I’m sorry,” Cal stuttered. “I promise to be better, I swear.” Any miniscule amount of bravery he felt earlier or yesterday was gone, replaced completely with fear. He didn’t like these games.

“I don’t believe you.”

The only sound was Shepard's breathing until Saren shoved him down onto the cushions and pinned his wrists above his head. His body trembled, he didn’t want this. When a hand snaked up his shirt, he cried out.

“Saren, please, stop,” he begged, remembering the last time the older man was angry. “I’ll do anything else, just please not this.”

And without even realizing it, Shepard managed to suck all the fun out of Saren’s little game. Shepard usually took his punishments without complaint, he made sure Cal understood that they were necessary. When the twenty-nine year old did beg, it was never this quickly. He leaned down and made sure green eyes were locked on him. “Stop misbehaving, Cal. I think you’ve learned your lesson for tonight but I don’t want to go through this with you again,” he said sternly. He pulled back and stood. “Go clean up the kitchen then leave. I don’t want to look at you right now.”

Cal watched dumbly as Saren walked towards the stairs. Then the man stopped and he thought he was going to yell at him for not moving yet.

But instead, “Your curfew is still in effect.”

Shepard nodded then left the room without a word. As he washed dishes and cleaned the counters, he really was grateful that Saren listened. He was surprised when the bigger man pulled away but decided not to question it too hard. Besides, it was his fault for letting a stupid little fight evolve into this. If he’d just tried harder to apologize the night prior and _not fucking elbow him_ then this probably could’ve been avoided entirely.

By the time he walked outside into the brisk autumn air, he had convinced himself that he was an idiot and the only one at fault. But now he had a few hours to basically do whatever he wanted and he knew exactly where he wanted to go. In his car, he grabbed his phone and sent a text to his best friend, Garrus Vakarian. He drove around aimlessly until the man replied that it was fine for him to come over, then wasted little time in heading to his house.


	3. Chapter 3

During the drive, Shepard searched for an excuse to tell his friend. He settled on the half-truth, that they fought over dinner and the brunette left before it escalated. Garrus would know he wasn’t telling the whole story, he had a weird knack for seeing through him, but he didn’t know the full extent of the things between him and Saren.

As he parked across the street, his green eyes briefly flitted to the neighbor’s driveway. An unfamiliar black car was there and he wondered if someone was finally moving into the empty house. Then he got out and cast it from his thoughts. He entered Garrus’ place without needing to knock and saw the man come from another room. Shepard wasn’t short or small, but compared to Garrus…well, the man was tall.

“Saren?” the older man asked, already knowing the answer.

Shepard just nodded.

Garrus held back a sigh. “Are you alright? You want anything?”

“I’m hungry,” Cal answered.

“Me too. Want a pizza?”

“Yeah, extra pineapple.” As his friend called the nearest delivery place, Shepard kicked off his shoes and rested his feet on the coffee table. Garrus was the one person he felt most at ease with. Maybe it was kind of ironic, considering how they met.

“So, wanna talk about what happened?” Garrus asked when he was done on the phone.

Shepard waved his hand dismissively. But after a moment said, “Fought over fucking dinner. I think we’re just stressed out and took it out on each other.”

That sounded normal. But after all these years, he knew Cal’s tells. He looked relaxed but his arms were crossed tightly over his chest and one of his hands was clenched. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look…tired.”

“I am. Tired, I mean. And okay. It was my fault anyways, I started it.”

“That seems unlikely. You two seem to be fighting a lot more lately.” 

“I guess. I don’t know. Saren’s really stressed right now.”

“Uh-huh.” He sighed. “I’ll never understand why you’re with him.”

Shepard tensed. “What do you mean? You two were friends when I first met Saren.”

“’Were’ being the key phrase there.”

“Look, I love him. What relationship doesn’t have rough spots?”

“Rough spots, sure. But rough years?”

“Come on, Garrus. Not right now. Please.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright.” It was always ‘not right now.’ Normally Garrus didn’t pry into things like that but Shepard was his best friend. He worried about the younger man a lot and was able to see through many of his lies after all this time. He watched the brunette lean back into the cushions and close his eyes. He didn’t mind when he came over like this, at least Cal was safe then. The tall man frowned at that thought. Safe? He’d known Saren years before he started dating Shepard. He wondered how much harm Saren was capable of.

“Hey, Garrus.”

He focused and realized Cal was looking at him. “Yeah?”

“Is someone moving in next door?”

“Oh, yeah. Two men, like your age. They’ve been at it for a few days.”

“Are they gay?”

“I don’t think so. I met them, didn’t seem like they were together.”

“Oh.” The doorbell rang. “Want me to pay?” Shepard asked, pulling out his wallet.

“Nah, I got it,” he said as he stood.

Cal got up and went to the kitchen to grab plates and a couple beers. They ate when he returned, talking about lighter subjects. Garrus even made Shepard laugh at some of his jokes.

“That was so fucking good,” Shepard said, moving to lie on the couch. His eyes closed and he meant to just relax for a moment. Within two minutes, he accidentally fell asleep.

His best friend gazed at him for a moment. The brunette looked calm. He stood to grab a blanket for him. It was the only thing he could do for Shepard now. He talked to him about Saren as much as he could, but there was only so much a person could say. The best he hoped for was that Cal would just spend the night at his house.

10101010101

Shepard’s first conscious thought was ‘Where am I?’

He blinked at the ceiling then jumped up when he remembered. A glance at the clock told him it was ten minutes past 11:00. “Fuck,” he cursed, grabbing his keys and phone. He looked over when Garrus walked into the room. “I have to go,” he said quickly.

“You sure you don’t want to just spend the night?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“I…can’t. Thanks though. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, alright. See ya, Cal.”

In the dark of night, he rushed down the driveway. But before he hit the street, he heard a car turning the corner. Another one was close behind it before it moved to the side. Then it sped around the first one to cut it off. Shepard just blinked as it passed dangerously close. It parked then honked obnoxiously as the black car turned into the new neighbor’s driveway. The reckless driver got out of his car, ignoring Shepard completely as he howled something at the other person and disappeared into the house.

Cal saw who the other driver was. He was a young man, looking around Cal’s age and height. He had short black hair and under different circumstances, he probably would’ve noted how handsome the stranger was. He looked ready to say something but Shepard cut him off.

“Your friend could’ve fucking hit me,” he growled, already in a terrible mood.

“Sorry about that,” the man apologized. “I’m sure he saw you, you were on the sidewalk. He’s actually a pretty good driver.”

“Well, excuse me if I’m not convinced. Not to mention all the noise you’re causing. Some of us have to work in the morning.”

He opened his mouth to say more but Shepard was already walking to his car. That was a bit much. He’d seen that man in the driveway, he was never in any danger of being hit.

“Kaidan!” a voice called. “Stop being weird and come inside!”

“You almost killed that guy, Joker!” he said, turning away from the car the man disappeared into.

“As if. He was like a hundred feet away.”

Kaidan just shook his head before joining his friend in his new house.

10101010101

Once he drove away, Garrus’ neighbor was out of his thoughts. His sole focus was Saren and the way he hated being late for things and having curfews broken. It was one of the man’s biggest annoyances. Shepard was over by more than an hour. It was extremely unlikely that Saren fell asleep, making Cal’s absence go unnoticed. A more likely scenario was that his husband was still awake and waiting to dole out punishment. And just when Shepard hoped things were calming down.

He hurried to the front door when he finally got home and for a moment, thought he'd be locked out. But his key opened it without issue and he crept into the pitch-black house. His steps were feather light up the stairs and he knew he was in trouble for his blunder. When he entered the room, he froze. Moonlight shined through the blinds and illuminated Saren's figure sitting on the bed.

“You broke curfew,” he said simply.

“I didn’t mean to,” he tried to answer evenly. “I’m sorry. I fell asleep at Garrus’ but it was an accident. I came back as soon as I woke up.”

“Vakarian,” he spat. “Why do you spend so much time with him? He’s a fucking loser with no loyalty.”

“It’s not my fault he likes me instead of you.” He instantly regretted his words.

Saren just laughed. “Go ahead and keep him. I swear, if I didn’t already know better then I’d think he was fucking you.” And then he was in front of Cal, moving at an almost inhumane speed. His hand clenched and Shepard closed his eyes in anticipation. But instead of a punch, knuckles lightly brushed against his cheek. “What did you tell him?”

“That we fought, that we’ve just been stressed.”

“So you acted like what happened wasn’t your fault.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. He thought nothing of it, I swear.”

“These things wouldn’t happen if you'd just fucking listen! I have these rules in place for your own good. You know that. And now you…” He breathed out harshly. “And now you have a total disregard for them, for one of the most important ones.”

“I’m sorry, Saren.”

“Just stop it, Cal. I don’t know if I forgive you or not. We’ll see how I feel in the morning.” He pushed the younger man away from him then climbed into bed.

The brunette slowly shed his clothes and joined him under the covers. As he stared at the ceiling, Shepard wasn’t sure if cared about Saren’s attempt to intimidate him again and wondered if any of his life was even worth it anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

Cal’s eyes opened and the first thing he noticed was a hand roaming his lower half.

“Took you long enough,” Saren sneered.

Shepard ignored him and sat up, rubbing at his eyes. Saren could get mad, he didn’t care what happened. Fingers dug into his thigh harshly. The brunette’s expression didn’t change.

“I thought we could have a nice morning but maybe you do need to be punished.”

“Okay,” he said simply before pushing the blankets off and getting out of bed.

The older man studied him as he left. That wasn’t the reaction he expected. Cal wasn’t expressing fear or any emotion really. He wondered if it was genuine or if his husband was trying to distract him. His eyes narrowed. Cal couldn’t keep that behavior up forever. He was sure he could find something to break the man’s apathy.

Shepard spent a few minutes sipping coffee in the kitchen. When he went upstairs, Saren was taking a shower to get ready for work. He grabbed clothes from his closet then went to the same guest bathroom as the day before. When he went back downstairs, his husband was already lurking. The older man wasted little time pushing him against a wall.

“I’m not happy with the way you’re acting,” he said icily.

Emerald eyes stared at him blankly and that infuriated him further. He grabbed Cal by the shoulders and hauled him towards the middle of the room. “Answer me when I talk to you!” Shepard did try to move away but Saren threw him onto the couch before he could get far. He slapped Cal and took sick satisfaction when the younger man raised his arms for protection. Saren took a few deep breaths. “I don’t have time for this.” But he waited until Cal uncovered his face. “I’ll see you tonight,” he spat. The brunette still said nothing and he turned away in disgust. But no matter how angry Saren was, even he saw just how empty Cal’s eyes looked.

10101010101

Shepard stood alone in the men’s room at work. He examined his face, gingerly poking at the bruise starting to form. It wasn’t that bad but someone would ask and he’d need to make up an excuse. Maybe something fell on him from the closet, or he ran into something, or…

The door opened and he glanced down, turning the water on and pretending to wash his hands. As soon as the stranger had his back turned, he bolted out and returned to work. An hour before his lunch break, he got a text from one of his friends asking for a favor. Well, ‘friend.’ He called him, seeing as the day was slow and Shepard wasn’t busy at the moment.

“Hey, Shep!”

“What’s up, Conrad? Is everything alright?” the brunette asked. He’d met Conrad Verner a few years ago when he was a security guard for Binary Helix. The eccentric blonde quit (he was fired) but by that time, he’d already developed a friendship with the only person at the company who was nice to him. Shepard felt kind of bad for him actually. The guy was weird but really, he had a good heart.

“Everything’s great, man! But I was hoping you could help me out. My wife wants to go to a party tomorrow night and said I have nothing appropriate to wear. You have a good eye for that so...”

“Heh, yeah, okay. You want to go today?”

“Yeah. I’ll buy you lunch after. Wherever you want.”

“I don’t know if we’ll have enough time on my lunch break. I can meet you at the mall when I get off this evening.”

“Great! Thanks, Shepard. See you tonight!”

The man sighed when he hung up. Saren would be mad that he wasn’t home on time, especially without notice. Cal couldn’t find it in himself to care. After a few more hours of menial boring tasks, he gathered his things and left. He sent a text to Conrad then once he got his reply, turned his phone off.

“Shepard!” he heard just a minute after entering the first store. The blonde came to him excitedly but frowned when he got close. “Hey, are you okay? What happened to your face?” he asked.

“Me being stupid. I was trying to grab something on the top shelf of the closet and one of Saren’s things fell and hit me. I’m surprised it bruised as much as it did,” he lied. “But come on, let’s find you something.”

By the end of an hour, he had Conrad looking great. Shepard still wasn’t quite convinced that this wife of his was even real, but he didn’t pry. The blonde treated him to dinner afterwards and Cal chose a small place nearby. As they sat and ate, Conrad excitedly told him a story that he only half-listened to. A steady stream of people kept entering the restaurant since it was the dinner rush and he glanced over every time the door opened. A black-haired woman entered who he paid little mind too but then realized that the man following right behind her was somewhat familiar. He watched as he said something then the woman turned and lightly punched him in the arm.

Huh. Garrus’ neighbor. The one who didn’t drive recklessly.

Shepard didn’t realize he was staring until the man caught his gaze. He seemed to recognize the brunette but Cal turned his focus back to Conrad before he felt too awkward. The next time he glanced around, the pair was gone and probably sitting at a table out of his view. He idly wondered if that woman was his girlfriend or maybe family. But then his friend asked a question and the man, whose name he still didn’t know, was out of his mind.

10101010101

“You know damn well to tell me where you’re at all times!”

A loud slap reverberated across the living room. Cal barely had time to close the front door before Saren was on him. He knew the older man would be pissed off at what he’d done and it was no surprise when Saren dragged him by his hair into the middle of the room.

“Tell me why you turned off your phone. Were you with another man? Is that why you’ve been acting so strange?”

Shepard didn’t bother answering. There was no point—Saren had reached that special sort of angry.

“I don’t like this change in your fucking attitude, Cal!”

And then he threw his husband to the floor. As Saren beat him that evening, he made sure to hit him everywhere but the face. Shepard barely made a sound but that only made him madder. It made him lose control.

_Kill me._

Those two words continuously echoed in Cal’s mind. He wasn’t sure if he was afraid it would happen or if he was silently daring Saren to do it. A hand fisted his short hair roughly and forced him to look into steel gray eyes. Shepard barely had the energy to keep his own eyes open.

“You little bitch,” Saren growled in his face. “When I come back home, I swear you better not be around.”

The black-haired man shoved him back down and Cal was almost glad they were on the rug instead of the hardwood floor. He heard the door slam shut and realized he was now alone. He sucked in a ragged breath and it burned. There was no way he could drive in this state but he knew he needed to leave. A groan escaped his lips and his hand dove into his pocket.

His cell phone screen was cracked but it still functioned. There was only one person he could call and as much as he didn’t want to bother Garrus a second night in a row, he rang him.

“Hey, Cal,” the man answered on the third ring.

“Garrus, I-” he started.

“You don’t sound too good. Are you alright?”

“Are you busy?”

“I’m driving home from work. Why?”

“Can you pick me up? I’m at home.”

“Um, yeah, sure. What happened to your car?”

“Saren took my keys.”

“He took them?”

“Yeah, I’m sure to annoy me. It worked.”

“Just hang tight, I’ll be there in a few.”

“Thanks. See ya.”

Although in pain, he managed to push himself up and walk to the door. It was a slow process but he reached the curb by the time his friend’s familiar truck pulled up. Garrus leaned over and pushed the door open for him, watching as he climbed in. The questions began once they were driving down the street.

“So what happened?”

“The usual. I barely remember what it was about. We’ve been arguing since this morning, then tonight we yelled, threw a couple punches. You know how it can get between us.”

“And that bruise on your cheek?”

“From this morning,” he answered honestly. “Don’t worry, I got him back.”

Garrus didn’t quite believe that. “Are you gonna be alright?”

“Yeah.”

When they finally reached his place, Shepard tried to move as normally as possible. But Garrus stayed close as they made it up the driveway, worried Cal might collapse or pass out. The brunette rubbed at his unbruised cheek and glanced at the light coming from next door. The garage was open and both of the new neighbors were there holding boxes. The black-haired man caught his eye. Cal didn’t have the energy to do anything more than turn his gaze away. The other man just blinked and watched Garrus and his friend disappear into the house.

10101010101

“Are you staying the night?” Garrus asked once Shepard was settled on the couch. He knew the answer but wanted to offer anyways. He was surprised when he said ‘yes.’

“Do you have any painkillers? I have a massive headache,” the brunette murmured.

“Yeah, hold on.”

Garrus fetched them from the bathroom then grabbed a water bottle for him as well. But he froze for a moment when he returned to the living room. Cal was slumped back against the couch cushions with an arm thrown over his eyes. He looked miserable and it just made Garrus so confused about his friend. He walked over quietly. “Here, Cal.”

It took a moment but the man moved to grab the items. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

Garrus took a seat nearby. “Pretty bad tonight, huh?” The brunette didn’t answer but frowned. Garrus knew how nasty Saren used to get when they were younger and he had to wonder if he’d only grown worse with age. Cal never spoke much about what happened at home but his friend knew it was more intense than he let on. “It’s okay now.”

That seemed to break whatever barriers Shepard placed around himself. The older man watched a single tear escape his eye. But Cal couldn’t stop and soon he was crying steadily. Garrus had never seen him cry before and he hesitated. He was the person who lightened the mood with humor and Shepard usually appreciated it. But he was just so upset right now. Garrus reached a hand out and lightly placed it on the brunette’s shoulder.

“Garrus…”

He moved closer and wrapped his arm around him and stayed quiet as Cal cried. For the moment, it was enough.


	5. Chapter 5

Garrus wanted to talk to him more. He and Saren had been friends since Garrus’ college years, he went to his and Cal’s spontaneous wedding. He’d become fast friends with Saren’s spouse and as the oldest man got more unbearable, Garrus cut off most contact with him and only spent time with the brunette. It’d been awkward at first but Saren wasn’t able to keep Cal away from him. He just wondered why his friend stayed married to Saren.

_‘I love him.’_

Did he? Did Cal really love Saren? Just a short while ago, he’d witnessed Shepard have a breakdown. That wasn’t normal. Cal thought he didn’t know, but Garrus did. Saren had a number of boyfriends before settling down with the brunette. Each one had broken up with Saren—he was too bossy, too jealous. For a while, he seemed to calm down with Cal but then he didn’t know what happened. Shepard was at his house too often for Saren to not be aggressive anymore.

He sighed. He tried his best to be supportive but there was only so much he could do. Shepard was an adult who made his own choices and he wouldn’t even admit that there was a problem. All Garrus could do was give him a place to stay when things got rough. That usually seemed to be enough.

A small noise made his eyes dart to the man asleep on his couch. Cal was mumbling. It was too incoherent to make out specific words but he sounded distressed. When it got more panicky, Garrus decided to wake him. The big man leaned down and placed a hand on his arm.

“Cal,” he said quietly. “Cal, wake up.” He shook his friend gently and that seemed to do the trick. But when Shepard woke, his eyes sprang open in alarm and he jumped up.

“I’m sorry! Please, stop!” he yelled, arms up in a protective position over his face. He was still in the haze of his nightmare.

“Cal! It’s me, Garrus!”

The brunette breathed harshly as his arms lowered. It was a dream, just a dream. Right now. How many times had it been his reality? And now his best friend just saw his reaction.

“You’re okay now, man.”

He rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes, noticing that his heart still hammered. He couldn’t look at Garrus.

“Cal…”

“It was nothing.” But even as he spoke, he shifted uncomfortably. He could still feel the ghost of Saren’s hands on him.

“Why do this to yourself?”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Can you honestly tell me you’re okay?”

“Yes.”

“I will never understand it,” he whispered so quietly that Shepard wouldn’t have heard if they weren’t sitting closely.

But Garrus would probably never understand. That would require the younger man to tell him everything and he couldn’t betray Saren like that.

“You look exhausted.”

“I feel it too.”

“You can sleep in my bed. It’s going to be cold tonight.”

“It’s big enough for both of us.”

“Yeah. I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

Shepard went upstairs alone, to the biggest bedroom in the house, and realized he was still in his work clothes. He threw his stuff over a chair then went to the bottom drawer of one of Garrus’ dressers. He pulled out an old t-shirt and put it on. This wasn’t his first time unexpectedly spending the night there and he had enough spare clothing to last him a few days.

“Do you work tomorrow?” Shepard asked when his friend finally entered the room.

“Yeah. Are you gonna go to Helix?”

“Yeah…I mean, I should.”

“You know, calling in sick for a day might be good for you. Three day weekend.”

He frowned. Saren would know if he didn’t show up, Benezia would tell him. But the thought of skipping a day from that awful place and those obnoxious people sounded so good to him. “I…guess it couldn’t hurt.”

“You can stay here if you want.”

“You don’t mind?”

“You know I don’t. I can probably get off early too.”

“Alright. Sounds good.”

They climbed into bed and Garrus fell asleep after another fifteen minutes. Shepard wasn’t so quick, he didn’t want to have another nightmare. He just lay there, thinking about the last eight years of his life. His relationship with Saren started out great and now he was sleeping in his best friend’s bed because his husband beat him and kicked him out. He remembered when they met. He was twenty-one and getting drunk at a party like he used to most nights. For the last two years since getting kicked out of the army, all he did was work his minimum wage job and party too hard. But that night he met Saren and they talked for a while. The older man was funny and nice and handsome, and Cal was immediately enamored.

But they split ways and a few hours later, Shepard was so wasted he could barely stand upright. He couldn’t remember much but in the morning he woke in a room with Saren. His initial thoughts were ‘I slept with him’ and ‘I wish I remembered it’ but the other man explained that some other guy was trying to corner him in a room despite his drunken protests so Saren stepped in. Shepard happily agreed to go on a date with the older man a few days later. He didn't even know that Saren was fifteen years older than him but by the time he found out, Cal didn't care. He was nothing like the other assholes Cal went out with in the past.

Ironic, he thought wryly, that now Saren’s wrath was by far the worst he ever encountered.

He wondered why things changed, what he could’ve done to prevent it. But every time his thoughts went down that path, he just came back more confused. Cal rolled onto his side and stared at Garrus’ desk. He didn’t know when his eyes closed but eventually he fell into an uneasy sleep.

10101010101

It took Cal a few moments to remember where he was that morning. Once he realized it was Garrus’ bedroom, he stretched then remembered his body was still sore. He sat up with a yawn and saw his tall friend in a pair of jeans and digging in his closet for a shirt.

“Did I wake you?” Garrus asked as he pulled on the rest of his uniform.

“Nah, I’m used to waking up at this time,” he said. “Do you have food?”

“I have coffee. And some Pop-Tarts in the cupboard. I don’t usually eat breakfast.”

“Eh. Maybe I’ll walk down and grab something.”

Once Garrus was gone, he climbed in bathtub and took a hot shower. It soothed his sore muscles and he loved being able to take his time. He either rushed because work or because Saren was yelling at him to get out. But he dried off only when the water started cooling then dressed in clothes from his drawer and decided to take a walk.

He grimaced when he went outside. The neighbor he snapped at the other night was outside, in what appeared to be work-out clothing. The black-haired man didn’t seem to notice him as he stretched in his driveway and Cal didn’t realize he was staring until the stranger glanced up.

“Um, hi?”

Emerald eyes blinked. “Hi,” Shepard said.

“I seem to keep running into you. Are you Garrus’ boyfriend or something?”

The brunette snorted. “No. He’s straight and I’m married.” He kept watching for a moment before deciding to continue. “So…what’s your name?”

“You first.”

“Cal.”

“I’m Kaidan.”

Shepard bit his lip, unsure what to say next or even why he was hanging around.

“You said you’re married?”

“Yeah, eight years now. That’s how I met Garrus, he and my husband were friends first. So that other guy…is he _your_ boyfriend?”

“Haha, Joker? We’re friends but no way. He helped me move in and is just staying with me for a while. His girlfriend is out of town and once she’s back they’re going to move in together.” He waved his hand. “Anyways, I’m surprised you’re talking to me.”

“Because I got mad that time you almost killed me?”

“Okay, it wasn’t me and you’re totally exaggerating,” Kaidan chuckled and Cal found that he really liked the sound.

“Fine, I’ll give you that. It wasn’t the greatest of nights by the time that happened.”

“Yeah, not the best way to meet. Hey, I was gonna go on a run right now. Do you want to take a walk with me instead?”

The brunette bit his lip. He wasn’t allowed to hang out with other men. Saren barely tolerated the time he spent with Garrus. “Well, I was going to grab something to eat. I’ll head in that direction with you.”

Kaidan carried a lot of the conversation as they walked and he noticed that Cal tried his best to avoid talking about himself. He wondered if the brunette was just shy. The men parted ways when they were close to the coffee shop. Now alone, Kaidan decided to go on his run and wonder what caused the sudden change in his new neighbor’s friend.


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard ate alone at the café, silently playing out in his head what would happen if Saren saw him talking to another man—especially one the gray-eyed man didn’t know. The scenario didn’t end well for him and the last thing he needed right now was to break Saren’s rules so he tucked any fantasies of friendship out of his mind.

Garrus ended up coming home early as promised and Shepard suggested they go out. “Go out?” the older man said. “Well, there is this new club that opened up downtown.”

“Sounds perfect,” Cal told him, calling his bluff.

“I’ll spare you the embarrassment. I’ve seen you dance.”

“One time five years ago and I was drunk.” He shook his head. “At least let me buy you dinner. Or lunch. Or whatever the fuck time it is right now. How about that fancy sushi place you like so much?”

“You don’t have to do that, man.”

He shrugged. “I want to.” It was the very least he could do. He knew he’d never be able to truly repay Garrus for everything he did but a Friday evening out wouldn’t hurt. He suspected Saren would be at home waiting for him. He did know where Garrus lived but…the thought of an angry Saren showing up to get him flashed through his mind and he hid his shudder.

“Everything alright?”

He looked up and saw blue eyes staring at him. “Yeah, just thinking. Are we going or what?”

“Yeah, yeah. Let me take a quick shower then we’ll head out.”

“Fine. Want me to drive?”

“Sure, but let’s take my truck. Your car makes me claustrophobic,” the man teased.

“Then stop being so tall.”

Less than an hour later, the two friends were sitting in a booth at the restaurant and Garrus was telling a story about his boss.

“I swear, he almost ran me over in the parking lot!” he exclaimed.

Shepard just raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh.”

“Oh, come on. You know he hates me because I’m better at math, I have a bunch of experience, and everyone loves me and hates him.”

“I’m sure he’s plotting your demise as we speak. You know, the same thing sort of happened to me outside your house.”

“When?”

“The other night. Your new neighbors. Well, one of them.”

“Was it Jeff? Or Joker, I mean. I’ve noticed his driving is a bit…fast.”

“It was him but I took it out on Kaidan.”

“Joker’s funny, I guess he better be with that nickname. Kaidan seems nice though.”

“Yeah, I ran into him this morning and we walked to the coffee shop together.”

“He’s cute.”

“More than cute.” His eyes narrowed. “You’re straight.”

“You know I can appreciate a good looking person though. Did you find out if he’s gay? My gay-dar doesn’t work on him.”

“I’m surprised it works at all. And I don’t know, I don’t just ask people. It has to come up naturally.”

“Uh-huh.”

The pair hung out for a few more hours but eventually Shepard had to go. Garrus wished he would stay another night. Actually, he wished he would leave Saren but that would never happen. He enjoyed the younger man’s company and he hated thinking about how Saren would fight with him when he went home. But it was out of his hands and Cal was a stubborn person anyways.

“I’ll see you later, Garrus,” he said. They were parked across the street from Cal’s house. “And…thanks.”

“It’s no problem. Call me if you need anything.”

As he walked up his driveway and to the front door, he wondered what Saren had planned. The door was unlocked and he saw his husband sitting in the living room when he entered.

“You’ve been gone all day,” Saren said.

“You told me to leave.”

“You know by now that you should’ve come back this morning!” he snapped. “Where were you?”

“With Garrus.”

“You spend more time with him than you do your own husband.”

“You kicked me out. Where else was I supposed to go?” He knew he had to be careful. Saren’s temper was bubbling just beneath the surface, waiting for Shepard to say the wrong thing so it could unleash itself.

“He must be sick of you.”

“No, he’s not.”

“Oh? You sound so sure of that. And just what about you does he enjoy so much?”

“W-what? What do you-”

“You’re hiding something from me. I can sense it.”

“I went to my friend’s because you wanted me gone.”

“So that gives you permission to fuck around with other men?”

Green eyes widened at the wild accusation. “Garrus is straight. You know that.”

“So you’d fuck him if he wasn’t?”

“No! Of course not! That’s not what I meant.”

“But that's what it sounds like.”

“I love you. _Only_ you, Saren. You know I would never betray you,” he said, knowing what the older man wanted to hear. His face blanched when Saren grabbed his arm and yanked him close.

“If you love me then why do you always stay away?”

“I-I thought it was what you wanted.”

“I was mad but I don’t want you gone, Cal. Even with all your flaws, I love you. I’m sorry for being so harsh last night but I only do it because I care about you. You know that. You’ll never leave me, right?”

“Of course not.”

“I’d die without you.” He pressed his lips to Shepard’s roughly. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

Cal followed him to their bedroom, just relieved that Saren seemed to calm down for now.

In the middle of the night, one person still lay awake in bed. Shepard stared at his closet, eyes long adjusted to the darkness. Saren was asleep behind him. A heavy arm was wrapped around Cal’s waist and the older man’s even breaths hit the back of his neck on every exhale. Shepard was cold but he tried his best not to lean into his husband. He felt ashamed and sickened with himself. The only reason he went upstairs and had sex with Saren was to placate the man, not because he actually enjoyed it anymore.

He tried to fight it, but Shepard couldn’t stop the tears that gathered in his eyes. It was getting harder to keep Saren calm and he found himself scared all the time now. He just wanted the man he married back, the one he fell in love with. He wasn’t sure what he’d done to ruin things and he had no clue how to fix it. And that seemed to be the only thing he was good at—making mistakes. He did it with his adoptive mom, his schooling, the army, and now his marriage too. He didn’t deserve happiness and he was just grateful that someone loved him. That was his last thought before crying himself to sleep.

10101010101

Cal finished cooking breakfast the next morning and set two plates at the table. It was like a switch in Saren’s mood when he woke up, the anger he felt from the previous day disappeared. Shepard still felt terrible but he was glad the tension between them was gone. For now. As long as he didn’t do anything to set Saren off.

“Cal, come here.”

He quickly put the pan he carried into the sink and went over to where his husband sat. Without another word, Saren pulled him close and kissed him. Shepard moaned despite it being the last thing he actually wanted. After last night, he just wished the older man would leave him alone. Saren obviously had other ideas.

“I have something to tell you,” he said when he finally allowed Cal to pull back. “Anoleis is having a…party tonight. It was supposed to be casual but a couple executives from Helix are coming too.”

“Anoleis…?”

“I know you don’t like him but it’s important that we show up.”

“Yeah, of course. What time?”

“We should be there around seven.”

Shepard really wanted to argue but it wasn’t worth it. He hated Anoleis but he played a large role at Binary Helix and he was Saren’s friend. Cal knew he had no choice in the matter.

“But we still have a long time before we need to get ready…”

Saren grabbed him again and Shepard felt his stomach churn when hands squeezed his ass. “The food’s gonna get cold,” he murmured. “And…I feel a little sore from last night.” A lie, but hopefully his husband wouldn’t pick up on that.

“Hm, we were a little…vigorous. Sit down then.”

The only thing Shepard could concentrate on as they ate breakfast was how much he didn’t want to go to that party. Anoleis was an asshole _and_ a creep and he always said weird things to Cal. Even when he did it in front of Saren, the man just told his younger companion to ‘Be civil with him. He’s harmless.’ He held himself back from sighing dramatically. No doubt Benezia would mention that he called in sick the day before as well.

As they got ready to go out and run errands, Shepard felt his anger and annoyance build up. He hated having no say in anything, Saren didn’t even give him the illusion of a choice. His husband barked at him to get out of the shower and he almost snapped a retort back. But he had more control than that. There was no point in making this bad day worse for either of them. The only thing Cal could hope for was that Saren wouldn’t make them stay at that party for too long.


	7. Chapter 7

Cal stared at the outfit laid out on the bed for him—one of Saren’s choosing because Shepard couldn’t be ‘trusted’ to dress himself nicely. He slipped on the dark jeans, buttoned up the red shirt. Red was his favorite color but he didn’t like not being able to pick his own clothes. Once he looked presentable, he joined his husband and they left.

The party was at some downtown restaurant Anoleis reserved for the evening. He was near the entrance when the couple came and he greeted them both. His eyes very noticeably looked up and down Shepard’s figure when he said hello.

“It’s been a while, Cal,” Anoleis told him.

“Yeah, I guess it has been.”

He knew Shepard didn’t like him, knew he made him uncomfortable. But the brunette was left unable to say anything to Saren’s work friend. That knowledge made Anoleis smirk. Cal did his best to ignore him as he trailed after his husband. He almost said something to Saren but stopped. He would just tell Cal to not embarrass him.

He stayed with the older man as long as he could. Despite being angry at Saren, he didn’t know most of these people well. But when they were going to talk to some of Helix’s executives, he shooed Shepard off. He wanted to argue but wouldn’t dare in front of Saren’s business associates. Not knowing anyone, he wandered outside alone to the front of the restaurant. Shepard plopped down on a bench, glad to be away from those people. Anoleis had spent half the night making lewd and creepy comments to Cal then Benezia questioned him about calling in sick on Friday—all in front of his husband. He slumped heavily but quickly straightened up when he heard footsteps.

“You look stressed,” an unfamiliar voiced commented.

Shepard looked over and saw a young man with a dark buzz cut and light eyes approaching. “Do I know you?”

“Oh, sorry. Richard Jenkins,” the man introduced. His voice was way more cheerful than Shepard was in the mood for.

“Cal…Arterius,” he said, hoping the stranger didn’t notice his hesitation. Sometimes, Saren didn’t like Cal taking his last name. ‘Just use your adoptive name,’ he’d say. Because apparently, certain people still had a thing against gay people—Cal knew that—and that could be bad for Saren’s reputation at work.

“Oh! Are you Saren’s husband?”

“Yeah…I’m assuming you work for him?”

“Well, I work directly under Anoleis but yeah, I know him.”

Shepard heard the way his bright tone dimmed a bit when mentioning Saren. Cal really couldn’t blame him. He saw Jenkins pull something out of his pocket and the young man noticed him staring.

“Do you mind if I smoke?”

“I don’t care,” the brunette answered.

“Do you want one?”

Cal paused just a moment before declining. “I'm good. What brings you to the party? Sounds like you’re not a huge fan of Anoleis.”

“I’m not but he wouldn’t leave me alone about it. It’s easier just to come than to have him play games next week at work. The pay makes up for it but…”

“Yeah, I, uh, know what you mean. I work for Benezia.”

“Ah, I’m sorry.”

Cal’s eyes watched the other man’s lips as he took a long drag. “Hey, on second thought, can I have one?”

A half-amused look appeared his face as he handed a cigarette and his lighter off to Cal.

“I used to smoke,” Shepard continued. “But Saren always wanted me to quit. Eventually I did.” Though he elected to skip the details of that particular story.

“I probably should too. ‘After this pack’s done.’ Uh-huh.”

They smoked rather quietly after that, until Jenkins stubbed his out with a groan and complained about not wanting to go back in.

“Me either," Cal admitted. "Anoleis says… _odd_ things.”

“He does. It makes me a little uncomfortable, to be honest.”

The conversation continued for a long time. Jenkins was nice and talkative, which made up for Shepard’s quietness. Cal didn’t notice how much time was passing until he got a text on his phone.

‘Where are you?’ Saren asked.

Shepard hesitated for a moment before Jenkins interrupted him.

“Hey, um, if you want, we can exchange phone numbers,” the young man said. “Maybe we can hang out on our lunch break sometime.”

A small smile graced Cal’s features. “Yeah, sure.”

By the time he added Jenkins’ number and put ‘work’ next to his name, Saren was walking out to where they were.

“Why didn’t you answer me?” the older man asked briskly.

“I was busy,” Shepard nearly growled.

“Clearly.” His gaze shifted. “Jenkins.”

“Saren,” Richard said curtly.

Saren snapped his fingers. “Up, Cal. _Now._ ”

The brunette grew angry and incredibly embarrassed. “Don’t fucking order me around. I’m not your servant,” he said before he could stop himself.

“Calm the fuck down” he sneered before leaving towards the parking lot.

Cal glared at his back but then remembered that someone was sitting right next to him.

“No wonder you were outside,” he muttered as they both stood.

“Sorry. We’re both just tense right now.”

“No, I get it.” He sighed. “I guess you’re leaving then.” He held out his hand. “It was nice meeting you, Cal. I hope we see each other around.”

“Yeah, so do I. Bye.”

Shepard willed himself to calm down as he walked to the car. He was angry for being dragged to this party, forced to be around people that made him uncomfortable, at being talked down to in front of another person. He got in the car and slammed the door shut, not looking at his husband.

“Was that really necessary?” he asked through gritted teeth as they pulled out of the parking spot.

“You’re the one who made a scene. Act like a fucking adult, Cal. I swear, you’re such an embarrassment sometimes!”

“Oh, fuck you!” he snapped. His body immediately tensed.

“I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you lately but if you keep this up, you will be in so much trouble. It’s like you want me to punish you! Is that what you want?” When Cal didn’t answer, he repeated himself. “Are you deaf? I said do you want me to punish you?”

“No…”

“What was that?”

“No, Saren. I-I’m sorry.”

He refused to look over when the older man glared at him. The rest of the drive home was spent in silence. In the house, the only thing Saren said to him was ‘Take a shower. You smell like a fucking cigarette.’ Shepard then watched him go upstairs without another word.

Cal walked to the laundry room and shed his clothes until he was down to his underwear. But he didn’t want to go in the bedroom with Saren or take a shower until the morning. Instead he grabbed a spare blanket and prepared himself for a night on the couch. As he turned the lights off and lay down, he just hoped Saren didn’t decide to drag him upstairs. Luckily for Shepard, he didn’t that night.

10101010101

‘Oh my god, go away,’ was Cal’s first thought in the morning. He’d forgotten to turn his phone on ‘vibrate’ before bed and was paying for that now. He grabbed at it groggily, seeing his best friend’s name and wondering what he wanted.

“What?” he yawned.

“Hey, did I wake you?” Garrus asked.

“Yes.”

“Well, get up. Wrex and his brother are coming down today and they want to see you.”

“You know, I’m still curious about Grunt’s real name.”

“I’m pretty sure Wrex is too.”

“Is Bakara coming?”

“No, she couldn’t make it. Had to help out one of her sisters this weekend.”

“What time are they coming?”

“Around one. But come by whenever.”

“Maybe.”

“That better mean yes. I’ll see you later.”

Garrus hung up without waiting for his response and he grumbled. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go—he always had a lot of fun with the Urdnot brothers—but after their argument last night, he wasn’t sure if Saren would let him go. Especially to Garrus’ place. Again.

He stretched, hearing his joints pop and feeling much older than his twenty-nine years. It wasn’t cold he noted as he walked to the kitchen nearly naked to make coffee. He pretended not to hear footsteps when he finally poured the black substance into a mug. But he could ignore Saren no longer when hands settled on his hips.

“Morning,” the brunette murmured. He shivered when lips pressed against his neck and wondered what his husband wanted.

“Morning, Cal. Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I am,” he answered. “Sorry for not coming to bed last night. I was just…I don’t know.”

“Mm, it’s okay. I forgive you.”

It took everything he had not to react to that remark. He really wanted to go out today. Hands dipped below his waistband and he pushed his hips back.

“I love when you get like this,” the older man chuckled. “I almost want to tell Helix to fuck off today.”

“Wait, what?”

“A situation came up and now I have to go to the office.”

Shepard frowned and turned to face him. “How long?”

“Who knows? You know how incompetent some of the labs can be. A few hours probably.”

“I’ll be bored all by myself…”

“I know. I don’t want to go but they need me.”

The couple drank coffee together before Saren went to get ready. Shepard waited a little while before going upstairs as well. He grabbed an outfit then hesitated. Part of him was scared to ask permission to go out but he really wanted to spend time with his friends.

“Saren?” he called out.

“What?”

“Can-can I go out today?”

The older man walked out to where Cal could see him. “Where?”

“Garrus called. He said Wrex and Grunt are coming over so I wanted to know if I could go see them.” He shrunk into himself a bit when Saren’s eyes narrowed and he regretted saying anything.

“Hm. You want to see Garrus. Again.”

“Because Wrex and Grunt will be there.”

Saren stared at him a few more moments before nodding. “That’s fine. I’m okay with it.”

“Thank you, Saren.”

Cal went into the bathroom after that, feeling absolutely relieved that the other man was in a good mood today. He brushed his teeth and started the shower up. Saren came in and kissed him goodbye before the brunette was left all alone. With cautious optimism, Shepard felt like it would be a good day.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the wait on this. Also this chapter is a bit lighter

“You’re here early,” Garrus greeted as he let Shepard into his house.

“You said to come whenever. This is what happens when you wake me up at dawn,” Cal told him.

“Yeah, yeah. They should be here in a couple hours.”

Shepard liked hanging out with Wrex and Grunt. He’d met them through Garrus (of course) a few years ago. The brothers lived about an hour away and they were both on the police force. It was always a party when they came around, which unfortunately wasn’t too often. They’d taken a quick liking to Cal and used to like Saren as well, until his falling out with Garrus. But if Cal had to choose, his favorite was probably Wrex’s wife Bakara. She was fun and incredibly smart too. She always amazed Shepard with the stories she told. Whenever he was with them and Garrus, part of him wondered if that was what it was like to have siblings.

They had time to kill, so Cal told his friend about last night’s stupid party. Garrus knew all about Anoleis and wished Shepard would put the slimy fucker in his place. He supposed he understood him not being able to but that just made him mad at Saren—what kind of person didn’t defend their significant other from someone like that? Saren, of course, and Garrus couldn’t stand the older man.

Shepard also told him about Saren being called to the office and Garrus wondered if he even knew Cal was hanging out with him today.

They went out to buy food—enough for a small army really—then returned to the house to wait for Wrex and Grunt. When the pair finally arrived, they basically barged through Garrus’ front door.

“Shepard!” Wrex bellowed. A quip originally aimed at Saren but now the man and his brother were used to calling Cal by his adoptive last name. He practically ran towards the brunette then grabbed him in a bear hug that actually lifted him off the floor.

“Good to see you too, Wrex,” Cal breathed. He sucked in a large breathe once his lungs were no longer being squished only to be lifted in another hug by Grunt.

“Shepard!” Grunt shouted.

“Glad you’re here too,” he squeaked.

The brothers moved on to Garrus before they charged into the kitchen. They’d known Garrus for a long time and had no qualms about helping themselves to whatever was in the man’s house. They set up food and beer on the patio table out back before sitting down to catch up. Ten minutes later, Garrus and Shepard were staring at the younger brother disbelievingly.

“You set the car…on fire?” Cal muttered.

“They can’t prove it was me!” Grunt laughed.

“Just… _why?_ ” Garrus added.

“Hey, it was my birthday. We were just having a little fun!”

They just shook their heads at the brothers’ (admittedly amusing) antics. The four were growing louder as the conversation continued and the topics ranged from work to other people to sex. Cal felt so good just kicking back and hanging out with friends like a normal human being.

“Garrus, we need more beer!” Grunt announced.

The man began to move when Wrex added, “Go with him. Take this trash in and get more food too.”

He grumbled but got up to help his friend. Once they were inside, Wrex turned to Cal. He was mildly alarmed by the sudden serious expression on Wrex’s face.

“How are you doing, Shep?”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Um, fine?” It was always strange when Wrex got serious, it didn’t happen often.

“You know what I mean,” he huffed, not used to this either but needing to know how Cal actually was. “How’s Saren?”

He shrugged. “The same. Fought last night but made up today. You know how it is.” That was a lie. Nobody knew how it _really_ was living with Saren—even if Garrus and Wrex had known the older man longer. But that was how Cal wanted it.

“If you ever need help, I-”

“I know,” he interrupted. “Thanks, but I’m fine. Marriage is hard, yeah? We’re just going through a weird patch right now.”

“Yeah…”

“I appreciate it though.”

There a short stretch of awkward silence before it was broken by loud laughter. The two friends exchanged glances before hearing it again along with another sound they couldn’t discern.

“Garrus mentioned new neighbors,” Wrex said.

“Have they been laughing like that this whole time?”

“Probably. Can’t hear them over Grunt’s loud voice.”

“Hehehe, what was that, brother?”

“Jeez, took you two long enough,” Cal said to the other pair when Grunt spoke. He suddenly saw something out of the corner of his eye fly towards him and he nearly had a heart attack. His eyes shot towards the object and saw the remnants of-

“A water balloon?” Garrus said.

The laughter on the other side of the fence stopped and the group saw two heads pop up. “Um, sorry about that,” Kaidan apologized. “Did that hit any of you?” His eyes landed on Cal and he smiled a bit.

“We’re good,” Garrus said.

“Sorry about that,” the second person, a woman, said. “Kaidan’s aim is terrible.”

Cal recognized her. She was the person Kaidan was with the other day at the restaurant.

“Do it again and we’ll have to go over there and show you how to have a proper water balloon fight,” Wrex told them.

Kaidan and the woman exchanged glances. “Is that…a challenge?” he asked.

“Four of you, four of us over here,” she added.

“We’ll meet you up front!” Grunt said, he and his brother already heading out the gate.

Garrus and Shepard were slower to follow but eventually made their way to Kaidan’s yard, where Wrex and the woman—whose named turned out to be Ashley—were carrying a large bucket of filled balloons. The rest of the introductions were made, the other two people were Joker and his girlfriend Edi.

“Alright,” Garrus said. “Teams are obvious. If you’re hit, you’re out—go sit on the sidelines. Balloon has to pop on you though. If it bounces off and pops on the ground, you’re still in. Last one standing wins all the glory.”

Cal usually had faster reflexes but his mind was distracted by numerous things. He barely even noticed when his shirt was suddenly wet. He went over and sat against the wall in shame, friends teasing him for being the first one out.

He smirked as he watched Kaidan walk towards him a couple minutes later, black hair dripping with water. “You lost on purpose, didn’t you?” he asked.

“Of course not,” Kaidan said sheepishly. “I wanted that glory.”

“Mhmm.” He watched the others for a few moments. “You and Ash seem really close. Is she your girlfriend?”

“What? No way, we’re like siblings. Been best friends since high school. We, um, actually met in a school club meeting.”

The brunette grinned. “You were in a club? Nerd. Which one?”

“It was our school’s gay club—er, ‘Gay-Straight Alliance’ thing. We’re both bisexual and went there to help come to terms with it so we bonded pretty quickly. And hey, I’m not a nerd.”

“That’s what all nerds say. It’s okay, it’s kind of adorable.” He bit his lip after, not meaning to say that.

“Pfft, and were you the cool kid?”

“Hell yeah, always knew the best parties.” Truthfully Cal was barely there enough to be part of a clique. He hung out with a lot of older people and spent most of his days cutting class and partying. But he did graduate—barely—and it’d been such a proud moment in his life. Still, it wasn’t something he liked to talk about and he worried that Kaidan would casually ask more about his adolescence.

He lucked out though when their friends provided a distraction.

“That’s cheating!” Grunt huffed.

“We followed the rules,” Edi deadpanned from the other side of the yard.

The big man grumbled and sat down on the other side of Cal. They both poked fun at Grunt before watching the rest of the game. Soon it was down to just Wrex and Ashley. 

“What happens if they run out of balloons first?” Garrus asked.

“Then they’re both winners,” Kaidan said.

“A tie isn’t winning!” Wrex shouted, dodging a balloon.

“That just makes us both losers like you guys,” Ashley added. She charged forward and waited until the last moment to toss her other balloon. Wrex jumped out of the way again but didn’t realize she was next to the bucket until it was too late. She gauged where he was going to land then quickly shot another, pegging him in the stomach. Her friends (plus Grunt) cheered when he lost.

“Alright, alright,” Garrus said as he stood. “As leader of the losers, I invite you all to come over to my place for drinks.”

The large group headed over to Garrus’ yard and Cal saw the small shy smile on Kaidan’s face. It was cute and he wished Saren would let him have male friends. Now that he was taking the time to actually talk to the other man, he realized Kaidan had a good aura about him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left a comment and/or kudos these last few days! Here's another chapter to apologize for the long delay (and for the last chapter being so short). Also, I'm on tumblr now! If you want to give me a follow, my url is **gaycalshepard.tumblr.com**

Ashley and Garrus were making drinks in the kitchen for everyone. Shepard ended up needing to take a step back. There was music and everyone was talking like they’d been friends for years. It was loud and this wasn’t what he expected when he came over. It was a bit overwhelming to his senses but at the same time he liked this.

The first drinks were getting passed around and Garrus met Cal’s eye. “You okay?” the older man asked quietly.

“Yeah.”

“Want a drink?”

Hell yeah, he did. But he declined. Saren wouldn't like it if he came home smelling like booze. He didn’t want to risk it. Soon everyone was having a good time and Shepard felt himself drifting around. He ended up in a conversation with Edi. It took him a few minutes but he realized that a lot things she deadpanned were actually jokes and that she was a pretty funny person.

“Hey! You know what’d be a good idea? Grunt said, also being the one to have drunk the most so far. “Let’s all get tattoos!”

“That’s a terrible idea,” Shepard laughed.

“Nah, you can get my face tattooed on you! It’ll look better than all the other ones you have.”

Cal just rolled his eyes. He illegally got his first tattoo when he was fifteen, and his last one shortly after marrying Saren. The man made him get his name on his arm—more like a brand if Cal would’ve allowed himself to think that. “You’re drunk as fuck, Grunt.”

He shook his head. “We both know that’s not true because _someone_ ran out of tequila.”

“We are running pretty low,” Garrus admitted. “Should’ve gotten more.”

“Yeah…we should’ve,” Wrex repeated. The Urdnot brothers both stared intensely at Shepard, he being the most sober.

He sighed dramatically. “Fine. I’ll go on a booze run. Anything else?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna order pizza. Pick them up? No point paying extra for delivery since you’ll be there already,” Garrus told him.

He stood and stretched. “Anything else? Anyone?”

“Want some company?”

He looked over at Kaidan. “Sure.”

Garrus slipped some cash into Shepard’s pocket before the pair headed out. Cal felt bad, he wouldn’t have minded paying but he knew Saren would notice and be angry about it. “So how drunk are you really?” he asked, trying to distract himself.

“I only had one drink,” the man chuckled.

There was a slight rasp to it that Cal noticed. It was pleasant on the ears. Once they were in the car and driving down the street, Shepard could feel amber eyes on him. “Um…yeah?” he said hesitantly.

“Oh, sorry. I was looking at the tattoos on your arm. They’re pretty.”

Shepard glanced over briefly to catch the smirk on Kaidan’s face. ‘Pretty’ was the last word to describe them. “Mhmm.”

“Do you have more?”

“Yeah. I have black branches and a raven covering my back.” He didn't mention the blood red dagger hidden on his upper arm.

“Ooh, when’d you get that done?”

“When I was twenty. Do you have any?”

“Nah…I wouldn’t mind one, I just have no idea what I’d get.”

“Yeah, some of mine were kind of spontaneous.”

They passed by one of the local schools and Kaidan changed the subject. “Hey, did you grow up here? Maybe we went to the same high school.”

“No, but I came down to Noveria a lot to party. I lived in Feros.”

“Kinda boring there.”

“Ha. Hence, why I was here instead. Did you end up going to university here?”

“Yeah. Ash and I both. My parents moved up north my junior year. They wanted an orchard.”

“An…orchard?”

“Mhmm. I worked there for a time.”

Shepard was going to ask him more but they were at their destination.

“Look, parking right up front!” Kaidan pointed.

Shepard quickly pulled in before someone else could steal it. They went inside, Kaidan leading the way to the liquor. He turned the corner but then stopped so suddenly that Cal nearly crashed into him.

“Uh, Kaidan?” He looked ahead and saw one other person in the aisle. The other man was wearing all black, with black hair that framed his face. He glanced over at them and Cal noticed he had on a pair of sunglasses in the store.

“Oh my god, Kaidan?” he said.

The man in question narrowed his eyes and took a step back. “Come on, Cal,” he growled. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

The stranger scoffed and Shepard could do nothing but stand there awkwardly, trying to figure out what was going on.

“Who’s _this?_ ” he asked, and Cal knew he was being referred to.

“None of your fucking business, Kai,” Kaidan spat.

“Is he your boyfriend? Come on, babe, don’t be like that.”

 _Babe?_ Shepard’s eyes widened. This was Kaidan’s ex.

“Don’t call me ‘babe.’ It’s creepy and pathetic.”

“But I still love-”

“Fuck. Off.”

Shepard could tell how hard Kaidan was trying to keep it together and not make a scene. When this Kai guy opened his mouth again, he stepped. “How about you back the fuck off?” he snarled.

Kai huffed. He stared hard at them (at least Cal was pretty sure behind those dark glasses) before leaving the aisle. He ignored the way Kaidan and Shepard stepped away. “Already got yourself a pretty new thing. Slut.”

Cal didn’t know why that made him so angry but he was about to say more when a hand touched his shoulder.

“Just let that bastard go.” Once he was sure they were alone, he continued. “I…sorry, you had to witness that.”

“It’s fine…your ex, I take it.”

“Yeah. Let’s just hurry up and grab what we need. I’ll tell you in the car.”

They paid for all the alcohol and left the store without any more problems. As they drove across the street to pick up the pizzas, Kaidan explained the story.

“That was Kai Leng. We dated, he cheated, I broke up with him. And then I ended up moving up north about a year and a half ago. When I came back to Noveria…I ended up giving him another chance. Briefly. He cheated again. So…”

“Oh, wow. What an asshole.”

“Yeah, it was stupid of me to think he changed. I was living with Ash when that all went down. She was ready to go beat him up.”

Shepard chuckled a bit, able to picture her reaction perfectly.

He blew out a large sigh. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be a buzzkill.”

“It’s fine, don’t apologize.”

Talking about his ex made Kaidan curious about Cal’s husband. Shepard was at Garrus’ a lot and he wondered why. But he didn’t ask, knowing it probably wasn’t appropriate to bring it up with someone he barely knew.

“Let’s talk about you instead.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow. “Me? I’m boring.”

“I somehow doubt that.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Um, I don’t actually know. You seem pretty close to Garrus and those other two.”

“Garrus is my best friend. I think I mentioned I met him through my husband. They met when Garrus was still in college. He was at the wedding. He and Saren don’t really talk anymore actually. But I can go to Garrus for anything and I know he’ll have my back.”

“That’s good to have. Ash and I are the same.” 

The conversation gradually lightened after that as they finished their errands and returned to the spontaneous party. Shepard felt like they’d been gone a long time but really that wasn’t the case—his friends would’ve told him if it was. He and Kaidan spent the rest of the afternoon near each other, getting to know one another and joking around with the others.

Most of them had to work the next day though, so they called it an early night. Wrex and Grunt had a long drive so they left first, making sure to crush Cal in a farewell hug. Kaidan and his group headed out right after, promising to host something at his house next time to pay back the man’s hospitality.

Cal felt himself smile as he watched them leave but that was soon replaced with lip biting and a frown. Oh no. He couldn’t afford to enjoy someone else’s company. Saren would be pissed if he found out Shepard made a new _male_ friend behind his back.

“That was fun,” Garrus said, slinging an arm around Shepard’s shoulders and walking back inside.

“It was.” He glanced around the living room and whistled. “Want help cleaning up?”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll-”

“Come on, it’ll be faster with us both.”

It took some time but when they were finally finished, Cal felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He grimaced, having a feeling about who it was. He scanned the message quickly and typed out a reply. “I should get going,” he told his friend.

“Was that Saren?”

“Yeah. He’s been home for a while.”

“Oh, alright.” They walked outside to Shepard’s car together. “I hope you really did have fun.”

“I did. They don’t seem too bad.”

“How was Kaidan?”

“He’s a nice guy. We ran into his ex in the store. I’ll have to tell you that story later.”

“Text me later. You know I like to gossip.”

He smiled. “Alright, see you later, Garrus.”

“Bye.

He moved out of the way so Cal could pull out and then Shepard was gone. The young man drove a little faster than usual on his way home. It was hard to tell if Saren was mad or not over the text message. He should’ve left earlier, tried to be home before his husband.

When he walked through the front door, he found Saren on the couch watching tv. “Hey,” he greeted after he put his phone and keys down. “Have you been home long?” He sat down and was immediately brought in for a small kiss. Gentle. A good mood then.

“Long enough to change and eat. I figured you’d have dinner over there,” he murmured against Cal’s lips. “Did you have fun?”

“It was nice seeing Wrex and Grunt.” He noticed the hands on his body dipping lower. He yawned and snuggled closer to Saren, pretending to be oblivious to his advances. He was glad when his husband simply wrapped arms around him instead.

They sat quietly together for a while and later that night made it to bed without any issues. Cal was relieved for a peaceful end to a good day. And it was only then, when he closed his eyes and was ready to drift to sleep, that he thought about his new friends and the nice guy with perfect black hair that lived next door to Garrus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like that Kaidan and Kai Leng's names look so similar but Kai Leng is a dick~


	10. Chapter 10

Shepard woke up the next morning to the sound of running water. It was early and Saren was showering for work. Cal sprawled out on the large bed, desperate for a few more minutes of peace before starting the day. When his husband came out in a towel, he finally got up to take his turn. But Saren had other ideas and pinned him back against the mattress. Cal knew he’d wanted to fuck him last night. He bit his lip as Saren’s mouth fluttered over his throat.

“I can’t wait to get home from work tonight,” he whispered before getting off the younger man.

Shepard wouldn’t fight it. It was his duty to please his husband afterall, wasn’t it? He got up without a word, listening to Saren get ready. He didn’t leave the safety of the water spray until the other man went downstairs.

He got through work on autopilot, trying to keep to himself more than usual. He wasn’t quite able to figure out why he was so anxious. It’d been something he struggled with most of his life, no doubt a result of his fucked up childhood.

He got home shortly before Saren did, his heart practically pounding. It only got worse when he heard his husband’s car pull up but he buried it down.

An hour later he was naked and face down on their bed. Saren was above him and the only thing Cal concentrated on was making sure he was responsive. His husband hated when he was too quiet. Shepard didn’t want to admit why he felt sick at the moment but was quietly relieved when it was over. He had always loved sex as a teenager but now he wouldn’t have minded to go without. He figured it was just a part of getting older.

The next couple nights continued the same way. By Thursday morning, Shepard was absolutely exhausted from being kept awake by Saren’s insatiability. But the result was worth it—they hadn’t fought in days. Cal knew not to fully relax though and part of him wondered if there was more to Saren’s good mood. It’d be something to ponder another time, when his little bit of energy wasn’t focused on dragging himself out of bed.

He decided to leave early, telling Saren he was stopping to grab coffee and a muffin. Not a lie, but he headed towards the café near Garrus’ house. He thought about calling the man to see if he wanted to meet him but he was most likely already on his way to work. But he sent a text to him anyways when he stopped at a red light.

‘What are you doing?’

Garrus finally replied when Shepard was parking. ‘Calibrations.’

He just rolled his eyes before pocketing his phone and grabbing his wallet. Cal walked into the coffee shop, trying to decide between a muffin or a croissant, and stood in line. The door opened a minute later and a familiar raspy voice was soon behind him.

“Cal, is that you?”

Shepard turned to see Kaidan. The man was sweaty and panting slightly, and it was clear he was on his morning run. “Hey,” he said with a smile.

“Morning. Getting a pick-me-up before work?” he asked, taking a swig from his water bottle.

“Yeah. I’m exhausted.”

“Not sleeping well?”

Cal briefly bit his lip. “Something like that.” He took in the man’s appearance. “You really like to run, huh?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. I ran track in high school and college, I still enjoy it. Plus, I’m between jobs right now so I figure I might as well while I have the time.”

It occurred to Shepard that he had no idea what Kaidan’s line of work actually was. “What’d you do before moving here?” He absentmindedly watched the muscles in Kaidan’s arm flex as he scratched the back of his head.

“I worked at my parents’ orchard. But when I still lived here, I was at a company as an interior designer.”

Shepard was very intrigued and was going to ask more but it was his turn to order. “You want anything?” he asked Kaidan when he finished.

“Oh, you don’t-”

“It’s fine. Go ahead.”

“Thanks. Black tea and a chocolate chip cookie.”

Shepard paid for their order and they went to wait for their drinks. “So interior design?”

“Yeah, it’s what I got my degree for. I interned there and when I graduated, they picked me up.”

“Why’d you move up north?”

“I’ve gotten migraines since I was kid…don’t really know why. But after university, they gradually got worse to the point it was severely interfering with my job. I was scared that it was something worse and I needed a more flexible job so I decided to move to the same town as my parents and work for them.”

He grabbed his tea when it was ready and started putting sugar in it. Cal watched for a moment before doing the same with his coffee.

“I’ve been on this new medication for a while now and it’s working. It's under control so I decided to come back. All my friends are here, it’s where I consider home.”

“Wow,” Shepard murmured as they sat down. “Must’ve been rough if it made you quit your job.”

“Yeah…but it’s fine now. I still get headaches but they aren’t nearly as bad as they were.”

They kept talking until Cal realized it was time for him to go. “Ah, damn it. I need to leave soon if I want to be on time.”

“Alright, it was nice seeing you, man.”

“Yeah, same. Uh, do you want a ride back to your place?”

“Nah, I’m gonna jog back. But um, hey, do you want to exchange numbers? Maybe we can do lunch sometime or hang out?”

Cal knew he shouldn’t, that Saren would-

“Sure,” he said. “Give me yours and I’ll text you.” After typing ‘work’ next to Kaidan’s name on his phone, they parted ways.

Cal felt nervous as he drove off but wasn’t sure why. It was different than his regular anxiety. Part of him wondered why Kaidan was being so nice to him. He was sure that if the man got to know the real Cal, he’d see just how unlikeable and strange he truly was. Those thoughts are what stopped him from asking Kaidan if he wanted to go eat with him on his lunch break.

10101010101

On Friday morning, Shepard finally discovered why Saren was being so nice to him.

“After everything I do for you, this is the least you can do!” Saren yelled.

“No!” Cal shouted right back. “You know how I feel about Anoleis!”

“Oh, suck it up, Cal. You should be happy anyone fucking likes you.”

“You’re such an asshole!” he screamed, feeling hurt and a little too comfortable after not having any arguments these last few days.

Saren snapped, slapping Cal across the face. “You’ll go wherever I tell you to! I treat you better than your own fucking mom and you want to fight?” He shoved Shepard backwards and his back hit the wall.

“F-fine, I’ll go,” he said and attempted to step away. But Saren grabbed him by the hair to prevent his escape. “I told you I’d go!” His heart began hammering and the air in his lungs froze.

Gray eyes narrowed and he yanked on his hair. “You don’t tell _me_ anything,” he spat, before finally walking away.

Shepard closed his eyes once he was alone, listening as the front door opened then shut. He went into the bathroom, grabbing concealer in case he needed it later and fixing his disheveled hair. He stared at his reflection, the one he found ugly and pathetic and damaged. Green eyes looked back as they tried to fight back tears.

Once he was in control of himself, he double checked his appearance then left for the job he hated. It was going to be an exceptionally long day and his mind began going numb to protect him from the stress.

Shepard had remained mostly silent for the day. But now he was in the passenger side of Saren’s car, half-listening as the man spoke about his afternoon. They were both dressed in nice clothing and were on their way to Anoleis’ party. Cal felt a little nauseous knowing it was at the man’s rather large home. Being in Anoleis’ territory made him uneasy. It didn’t even matter that they’d be surrounded by Saren’s work associates and friends. They made him feel so dumb but he’d happily take that over creepy stares and jeers.

When they finally made it to the party, Anoleis immediately gave Shepard a look that let him know he’d be getting no peace that evening.

He tried to stay near his husband as much as he could but he knew when Saren was getting tired of him following like a lost puppy. When a couple people wanted to discuss a plan for a new lab, he finally sent his husband away. Cal didn’t want to go but Saren gave him a stern look.

Shepard wandered away, knowing no one else and not wanting to talk to anybody. He looked for the alcohol and grimaced when he found a bartender actually making drinks at the bar. That didn’t stop him from getting one. He sipped at it until he thought no one was looking then gulped it. He relished the burn as the alcohol made its way down his throat.

He decided to go out back where there were less people. He couldn’t help but feel like everyone was staring at him, judging him, like he wasn’t good enough or was too stupid to be married to Saren. He sat on a bench, a soft light glowing nearby. A few others were outside, he noticed as he admired the property. He wondered why Anoleis even needed such a large place, as far as he knew he lived alone. Besides staff. But they didn’t really count because it was job to be there, not their choice.

Cal tensed when hands landed on his shoulders from behind, rubbing into his stiff muscles. The fingers of one hand caressed his stubbled cheek.

“Why so tense, Cal?”

Shepard stood up immediately at the sound of Anoleis’ voice. “Don’t fucking touch me.” He could feel a few stares on them.

He pouted but sauntered around the bench. “So rude to the host. I just wanted to make sure you were having a good time.”

Cal’s eyes darted down, seeing Anoleis slowly start to lift his hand. His own balled into a fist in response, old instincts fighting towards the surface.

“What’s going on out here?”

Shepard had never been so relieved to hear his husband’s voice. “Saren! I-”

“Shut up, Cal,” Saren hissed as he moved closer. “People are staring.”

For a moment, all he could do was blink. “He put his goddamn hands on me!” he snapped.

Anoleis just raised a thin eyebrow. “The only thing I did was try to make sure all my guests were comfortable.”

Saren’s eyes narrowed. “I told you to hush. People are looking and you’re embarrassing me. Can’t you stop acting like a child for one night?”

“But he _touched_ me.”

“So? Be flattered someone wants to.”

The hand Cal curled before twitched and before he could control himself, Shepard slapped his husband across the face. “Asshole,” he grunted. But his pulse was already racing, his legs quivering. The spark he saw in Saren’s eyes terrified him.

The older man took a deep breath and as calmly as he could manage said, “Let’s go, Cal. I think we’ve caused enough trouble for tonight.”

As he turned to apologize to Anoleis (only because others were still around), Shepard truly considered running. He forced himself to stay still though. Where would he even go? Saren would catch him easily and then things would be worse. He should’ve just stayed quiet. He had always been too reactive, too brash.

The large hand that made its way to the small of his back spoke volumes as they silently walked back through the property and to the car.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments last time. After how I left the previous chapter, I got this one up as quickly as I could~

Shepard groaned from his position on the floor. He was curled into himself, trying to shield his body as much as he could. They were home now and Saren…Saren was mad. Teeth dug into lip so hard he tasted blood as he tried to muffle another cry. Another kick in his side and he whimpered.

“I’m so sick of you disobeying me and making me look like an idiot!” Saren yelled. “I’ve treated you better than anyone else in your pathetic life and you’re still so fucking _ungrateful._ ”

Cal stayed silent, his eyes screwed shut as he wished over and over to just disappear. He told himself he deserved this, that it was his fault for Saren’s reaction. He’d slept with so many men when he was younger, why couldn’t he just let Anoleis touch him for a few moments?

Saren grabbed his hair—a favorite when he was angry—and yanked Cal’s head up. The man towered over his prone form.

“S-Saren,” he panted.

“Don’t say another word tonight,” he snarled.

Then he shoved Cal down, his head hitting the hardwood again. His head, no, his entire body hurt and he felt on the brink of passing out. But with the way his husband was acting, he knew things were far from over. Shepard covered his head with his arms and brought his knees close to his chest. His consciousness faded in and out but he still felt the hands bruising him, the belt wrapped around Saren’s waist now hitting him instead. The only thing Cal could wish was that the next time he closed his eyes, he’d never wake up again.

Saren fell to his knees when it was over, hands pushing Shepard onto his back. The brunette could feel the other man trembling but then he was gone, standing up and stumbling back.

“You made me do this,” Cal heard before he passed out.

10101010101

Shepard woke up to a dark, empty living room. The only light was from the dim lamp filtering in from the small window facing the porch. He didn’t want to make the attempt, but he knew he needed to leave. From the silence he assumed Saren left, probably too mad to even look at Cal still. His cell phone was near the front door, on the small table reserved for keys and wallets and such.

With a pained moan, he pushed his upper half up. He wondered how long he’d been out for but all thoughts ceased as he crawled towards his salvation.

His fingers finally wrapped around the phone and he allowed himself to lie back down on the floor. He scrolled through his contacts until Garrus’ name appeared. His friend didn’t answer the first time and he started to panic. But he called him again immediately and Garrus picked up.

“Hey, Cal. What’s up?”

“Please, come get me,” he begged.

“What? Where are you?” he asked, panic instantly seeping into his voice.

“At home.”

“What’s wrong?”

He just groaned.

“I’m on my way. Tell me what happened.” Garrus was scared when his younger friend didn’t answer. “Should I call the police? An ambulance?”

“No,” he managed.

He tried to get more out of him but Cal just kept murmuring to pick him up. Garrus knew Saren was behind whatever happened and he worried what state he’d find Shepard in. He drove well beyond the speed limit, parking haphazardly in the driveway and noticing only Cal’s car was there. He grabbed his keys, fiddling with them until he found the emergency house key Saren didn’t know he had.

When he finally opened the door, he was instantly hit with darkness. Squinting, he flicked on the closest switch and gasped. Cal had managed to prop himself up against the wall just a small distance away. He was obviously hurt, blood dried on his lip and nose, eyes half-closed. For one brief moment, Garrus feared he was dead. But then Cal was reaching out for him and saying his name.

He leaned down, holding back tears, as he tried to assess his friend’s condition. “Can you walk?”

“Yeah. Let me lean on you.”

Garrus was very careful with how he picked Shepard up. He wrapped an arm around his waist, carrying a good portion of his weight. He helped him outside and into his truck then drove them away. “Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”

“No.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“In a minute,” he lied. He leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes.

Garrus decided to let him rest until they got home. When they arrived, he helped him out of the truck and into his house. He had him swallow down some aspirin first thing. “Can you make it upstairs?”

He nodded. Garrus had him lay down on his bed then went to fetch a wet washcloth for his face. “I’m just cleaning the blood off, okay?”

“Kay.”

It pained Garrus to see him so battered up. No wonder he hated being home. He knew the couple fought worse than many but he had no idea it was this bad. He felt like an idiot and a horrible friend for not seeing it sooner. As he wiped the dried blood away, it seemed so obvious.

“Cal…what happened?”

Sad green eyes looked at the wall for a moment before returning to Garrus. “It was my fault,” he whispered. “I provoked him.”

“Nothing can justify this. Do you hear me? Nothing you could do would ever make this okay.”

“Saren made me go to another of Anoleis’ parties. He started touching me, Garrus. Rubbing my shoulders, touching my face. I tried to tell Saren but he told me to shut up, that I was embarrassing him. So I slapped him. In front of everyone. And he got mad.”

He didn’t need to keep going for Garrus to fill in the blanks. “What Saren did was wrong,” he said, wanting Cal to understand that. “You deserve love, not… _this._ ”

Shepard didn’t respond. After a minute he asked, “Can you help me change?”

Garrus stood up and grabbed a t-shirt from Shepard’s drawer. “What’s wrong?” he asked when the brunette hesitated. Hands clutched at his unbuttoned shirt as he stared at the ground. “It’s okay, Cal.”

Scars marred Shepard’s exposed pale skin as well as the beginnings of bruises. Some of them were from Cal’s rough past but he had a feeling most were more recent.

“How long?” Garrus said as he pulled the t-shirt over Cal’s head.

“…A few years, I guess.” Shepard fidgeted a moment. “Will you lay down with me?”

“Yeah.”

Garrus settled down on his side, Cal on his back. The brunette exhaled softly as he sunk into the comfortable mattress.

“I’m sorry,” Shepard suddenly apologized.

“For what?” 

“Bringing you into this. I shouldn’t-”

“Shhh. You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re my best friend and I love you.”

Cal carefully shifted onto his side as well. He shyly reached his hand out onto the bed and Garrus answered the unspoken request by grabbing it with his own. No more words were exchanged for the moment. They concentrated on simply being with one another, both trying to remember that Cal was safe for now.

Shepard was exhausted and it wasn’t much longer before his eyelids fluttered closed. He fell asleep a short time after, hand still clutching onto Garrus’. The older man was wide awake though and as he pulled the sheet up to protect them from the nighttime chill, he knew he’d be getting little sleep.

10101010101

It was as rough a night as Garrus expected. Shepard had trouble staying asleep and forgot he wasn’t at home. In the early hours of the morning, they both finally got some uninterrupted rest that lasted a few hours. The older man was the first to rise and he went downstairs to start the coffee and grab the bottle of aspirin. When he returned to the bedroom, he stopped and looked at his friend. Cal looked peaceful at this moment, despite the bruise forming on his face.

The brunette rolled over, his eyes opening with the movement. Garrus was walking towards him, pills and water bottle in hand.

“How you feeling?”

“Everything hurts,” he murmured, voice still thick with grogginess.

He held up the objects he had before giving them to Shepard. He stood after, able to walk on his own at least. Ten minutes later they were both downstairs sipping coffee quietly together on the couch. A million thoughts were racing through Cal’s head.

Most of them involved wondering if Garrus was going to tell anyone else what he saw. He cursed himself for being so weak—he should’ve just stayed at home. He was the one to provoke Saren and now he was risking his husband getting into trouble for something he was at fault for.

Garrus, on the other hand, was mentally kicking himself. He’d known Saren longer than Cal, knew how much of an asshole the man could be. Now that he’d seen the blood and the scars, he flipped through memories of their friendship to see how many signs he completely glossed over. He felt horrible and guilty and needed to talk to someone about this. But he didn’t know who. Wrex?

No, the man was a cop, and very protective of Shepard. The last thing Cal needed was for someone to make a huge scene with him directly in the middle.

He’d been on the phone with his good friend Tali when Cal called. He watched the man sip on the piping hot liquid. It wasn’t right for him to tell other people something so personal of Shepard’s life but…the circumstances were kind of dire. For now he’d just focus on ensuring the younger man was okay and then they could figure out where to go from there.

“Things were great when we met,” Cal suddenly said. “That’s why I fell for him so quickly. The guys I dated in the past were complete assholes. But not him.”

“I remember, you were just a kid back then.”

“I was twenty-one.”

He shook his head. “I know. But you were still so young and he was already in his thirties. This isn’t right.”

“I’ve told you before, we’ve just been going through a rough patch.”

Garrus was stunned. “You don’t really believe that.”

Cal crossed one of his arms over his body, seemingly shrinking into himself. “I don’t want to talk about him right now. Please, don’t tell anyone.”

He decided to listen, for the time being. “Will you at least stay here for a few days?” He nodded. “Maybe you can take some time off work.”

“I don’t know, we’ll see how I feel on Monday.”

He exhaled. “Want me to cook you breakfast?”

He smiled for the first time since last night. “I know you still have nothing but pop-tarts here.”

“Heh, oh yeah. I can get you something out? Or we can go somewhere if you’re up for it.”

“Maybe in a little while, after I shower.” The conversation died for a minute before Cal spoke again, this time at nothing more than a whisper. “Thank you, Garrus.”

He was still a moment before moving next to Shepard. He wrapped his arms around him carefully and Cal returned the hug, silently grateful to have a friend like Garrus in his life.


End file.
